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Life is Negotiation: Drop the Fear

Life is Negotiation: Drop the Fear

Sometimes in my life, I shy away from negotiation. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I don’t like to make the other person feel bad. Sometimes I don’t even know what I want or what my position is. Here’s the problem: When I shy away from negotiation, I don’t get my...
Always Be the One to Go First

Always Be the One to Go First

Tim Ferriss was talking with professional volleyball player Gabby Reece on his podcast, and she mentioned a principle she tries to live by in her daily life: Be the one to go first. What does she mean by this? If Gabby passes someone as she is walking, she will be the...
3 Lessons from the Rule of 1/3

3 Lessons from the Rule of 1/3

Sometimes I get frustrated when my needs aren’t met in a relationship. “What’s wrong?” I ask myself. “Why doesn’t my partner understand what I need?” “If she really loved me, she would do [fill in the blank].” If you are anything like me, maybe you have struggled with...
When in Doubt, Reach Out

When in Doubt, Reach Out

My wife and I had another couple over for dinner not too long ago, and we had a great time. It was someone I had met at church. I didn’t know them very well. But we had a good conversation at church, and I thought they might have “friend potential.” So, I reached out...
How to Make the Most of the Space Between

How to Make the Most of the Space Between

Between an impulse and a reaction, there is the space between. That space between is where the difference between success and failure often happens. The Pull to React Sometimes in my life, I blow past the space between and just react to my impulses. For example,...
What Masks Do You Wear?

What Masks Do You Wear?

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays. I love dressing up. I even have a costume trunk in my living room. 11 months out of the year, I use it as a coffee table. But in October, I dig through it and try to figure out what I should be for Halloween. Playing a Part I...
Do Your Best and Accept the Rest

Do Your Best and Accept the Rest

Sometimes I struggle with the tension between action and acceptance. On the one hand, I want to be disciplined and do the best I can in life. There are areas of my life I want to improve. If I want to reach my goals, it’s going to take purposeful, consistent effort....
Let Down Your Drawbridge

Let Down Your Drawbridge

When we are in pain, we have the tendency to raise our defenses. This actually makes good sense. We don’t want to get hurt again, so the prudent thing to do is to protect ourselves. We retreat back into our castle, behind our fortified walls, and pull up the...
Why Grace and Acceptance is Our Greatest Need

Why Grace and Acceptance is Our Greatest Need

A few years ago, I spent the Labor Day weekend in Holland, Michigan, connecting with some good friends from graduate school. Holland is a beautiful small town in Western Michigan. We caught up, ate great food, hiked the sand dunes, and swam in Lake Michigan. The...
Why It’s Important to Finish Well

Why It’s Important to Finish Well

Have you ever struggled to finish something in your life? I was dealing with this issue the other day. I was working on a book manuscript, and I was losing steam. I had done quite a bit of work on the project, but the finish line still seemed so far off. There was a...
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