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2 Key Questions to Ask During Conflict

2 Key Questions to Ask During Conflict

When you are trying to work out a conflict with someone, it is helpful to ask yourself 2 questions. These questions focus on identifying and resolving the underlying needs that are fueling the conflict. Let me explain a bit more about what I mean: Usually when we have...
How to Enjoy the Process AND the Outcome

How to Enjoy the Process AND the Outcome

In life, it is important to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome. This is something I struggle with a lot. At work, I’m often focused on outcome. “Let’s get this paper published ASAP!” “What’s your plan for defending your dissertation and graduating?”...
5 Strategies to Accept Negative Things in Your Life

5 Strategies to Accept Negative Things in Your Life

In my life lately, I’ve been working on acceptance. In the past, I’ve resisted acceptance. Acceptance seemed weak, like I was okay with failure or not being the best I could be. But as I have grown older, I have realized I do have some limitations. There are certain...
What To Do When Life Happens

What To Do When Life Happens

A couple of years ago over the holidays, I went to Minnesota to visit my mom’s side of the family. For about as long as I can remember, we have stayed at a hotel called the Kelley Inn in Plymouth, Minnesota, not too far from where my grandmother lives. One of my...
On Loan

On Loan

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus talked a lot about the importance of differentiating between what was inside of our control, and what was outside of our control. He had a very limited view of what was inside of our control—basically our thoughts, feelings, and...
Action and Acceptance

Action and Acceptance

Sometimes I struggle with the paradox of action and acceptance. I know action is important. When I’m struggling with something, or want something to be different in my life, it’s important to DO SOMETHING. Taking concrete steps to change your behavior is one of the...
What is Up To Us

What is Up To Us

One of the key tenets in Stoic philosophy involves the following phrase: “ta eph’hemin, ta ouk eph’hemin,” which translates to “what is up to us, what is not up to us.” The Stoics thought this was a key distinction, and the idea is often repeated in the writings of...
100% Responsible (No More and No Less)

100% Responsible (No More and No Less)

I’m reading a great book by Jim Dethmer called Conscious Leadership. One of the big take-home messages is the importance of being 100% responsible for your life. No more and no less. If we are less than 100% responsible for our lives, we blame others for what happens...
4 Bad Things When You’re At Sea

4 Bad Things When You’re At Sea

Mankind owns four things that are no good at sea: rudder, anchor, oars and the fear of going down. –Antonio Machado I love this poem. There are so many things that hold us back from being the people that God created us to be, and I think this poem captures a few...
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