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Don’t Complain About It. Do Something About It

Don’t Complain About It. Do Something About It

A couple months ago, I was complaining to my wife that I wasn’t in as good of shape as I used to be. What triggered the feeling was a meeting with my Crossfit coach. They got a fancy new machine that measures your body fat percentage. Mine was about 5 points higher...
3 Key Lessons from the Samurai

3 Key Lessons from the Samurai

One of my favorite films is The Last Samurai, which tells the story of a great war between (1) the Samurai, the ancient guardians of the empire of Japan and (2) a New Order that was trying to change the course of the country. The Samurai were great warriors that...
Why You Need Both a Sledgehammer and a Shock Absorber

Why You Need Both a Sledgehammer and a Shock Absorber

I was talking with my counselor the other day, and he made the following comment: “You try to tackle all your problems with a sledgehammer. That’s a good tool to have, but sometimes you also need a shock absorber in your toolbox.” Fix the Problem Here’s what he meant:...
6 Steps to Transform Your Life

6 Steps to Transform Your Life

One of the things I’m most passionate about in life is transformation. I love to see people tackle their problems and make huge changes in their life. That’s why I became a psychologist in the first place. I love to help people reach their goals, whether it is a...
3 Lessons from the Rule of 1/3

3 Lessons from the Rule of 1/3

Sometimes I get frustrated when my needs aren’t met in a relationship. “What’s wrong?” I ask myself. “Why doesn’t my partner understand what I need?” “If she really loved me, she would do [fill in the blank].” If you are anything like me, maybe you have struggled with...
Don’t Get Distracted by Technology

Don’t Get Distracted by Technology

Technology is amazing, isn’t it? I love my iPhone. In less than 10 minutes, I found directions, connected with a friend, checked out my Crossfit workout of the day, and bought a book on Amazon. I video chatted with a former professor who was living in South Africa via...
Do Your Best and Accept the Rest

Do Your Best and Accept the Rest

Sometimes I struggle with the tension between action and acceptance. On the one hand, I want to be disciplined and do the best I can in life. There are areas of my life I want to improve. If I want to reach my goals, it’s going to take purposeful, consistent effort....
Why Grace and Acceptance is Our Greatest Need

Why Grace and Acceptance is Our Greatest Need

A few years ago, I spent the Labor Day weekend in Holland, Michigan, connecting with some good friends from graduate school. Holland is a beautiful small town in Western Michigan. We caught up, ate great food, hiked the sand dunes, and swam in Lake Michigan. The...
8 Keys to Emotionally Healthy Faith

8 Keys to Emotionally Healthy Faith

I’m a big believer that you can’t have spiritual health without emotional health. Part of this conviction has to do with my background. I’m a Christian, and I’m also a psychologist. The way of Jesus is the key framework that orients my life and values. I also view...
How to Enjoy the Process AND the Outcome

How to Enjoy the Process AND the Outcome

In life, it is important to enjoy the process, not just focus on the outcome. This is something I struggle with a lot. At work, I’m often focused on outcome. “Let’s get this paper published ASAP!” “What’s your plan for defending your dissertation and graduating?”...